youre lurking in front of me
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
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Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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