alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
