let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
