How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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