I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
