He is such a slut. More and more my type.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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