No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
