Only a mothe r could love this liver
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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