I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
