best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
