butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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