His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
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I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
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Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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