The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Randomize
