i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
They have beer where we have blood.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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