he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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