We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
