I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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