based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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