Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize