She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
