I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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