M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize