Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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