i already hear my dad disowning me
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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