The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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