you guys were way drunker than both of me
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Your penis caused this!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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