You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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