aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
