Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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