you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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