I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
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thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
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I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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