covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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