My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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