so that wasnt chicken after all
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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