There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
