On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize