she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
