the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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