i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
