Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Operation Purity has been aborted
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize