just tell him i said nine months
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
