can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
