Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just gift wrapped bread.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
