I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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