from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
