i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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