This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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