i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
