Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
