No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
