You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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