3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
