listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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