Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
