Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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