he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
