i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
