I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
