Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
