so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
