I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
