You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
