rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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