Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hippo gnu deer
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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