I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
