So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
